Life's a Bitch

I've got the long awaited results. And as I've expected, it wasn't as good as the previous one. Sure, I still got above 3.5 but now my graph's all messed up.

What graph, you ask?

Back when my mum was still teaching, she would have me help her out by plotting a graph of each student's exam performance. The graph was made up of all the exam marks of each individual student, according to subject, so you could see clearly if a student was improving or deteriorating. This led me to have a mental graph of my own performance in university.

Up till now, my graph has been a positive linear one. Which means that I am improving each sem, something that I was privately proud of because I am not trying to compete with my classmates. I only want to do better than before, because of that mental graph I have. But now, it's like the graph has shot straight up and then... one *poof* at the end where it falls.

This sucks. I hate to be the one to deteriorate.

=(

And of course, my parents' reaction was just as I expected. Sure, they weren't mad or anything. But they weren't exceptionally proud like before either. They were like, "Oh." And then a pause. And then, "That's good." Too little, too late. I already know that they are disappointed. Even though my mum says she's still proud of me because I was chosen to go to London and my dad said my results was still in the A zone; but no, I know they are disappointed. They're just trying to console me and themselves with justification.

I have never been disappointed over my exam results. And I mean never. Even though there was that one time where I got 2.94. But at the time, the whole class failed and I was thanking my lucky stars that I was one of the four who passed.

And also, I think justice has not been served in some areas. I know that if you interview me and someone else over a certain subject, I would be able to answer far better and no, I'm not boasting because I know this is true. Maybe I wrote too much unnecessary stuff during the exam. Maybe my nerves got to me so much, my answers didn't make sense. And I know damn well that I didn't have time to re-check.

Maybe life is just unfair.

Fine, my mum's right. There's no use crying over spilled milk. And my dad says I can try again this semester. At that, I can manage nothing more than a a scoff because this semester is hard. And I mean the hardest ever. I've got research and management, both killer subjects that threaten to shoot me in the head. And then there's the whole business of doing up my resume and applying for a job.

Sigh.

=(

I'm gonna go dye my hair now. Please let me be gorgeous after this so I can get over this sinking feeling.