Tuesday, June 21, 2011

It Feels A Little Bit Like Dying

Okay, tajuk post pun dah drama gila.

Sigh. Anyway. I've always loved my job. Four years as a nursing student and for the past 7 months that I've been a registered nurse, I have never regretted entering this profession. But it feels terrible going to work with a heavy heart.

If I'm honest, I'd say a broken heart. But I'm trying to tone down the drama. God knows I've had enough with that.

So I go to work everyday envying those who are leaving their shift when I've just arrived and I count the hours till I can go home and cry into my pillow. Told you I've had enough drama.

We've been at odds for so long now, sometimes I don't even know what it's about. The only good thing about us right now is neither one of us really wants to leave. Sure, we've both had the "I've had enough" moment and ready to storm out, determined to never look back but then, barely a half hour later, we'd always end up saying we want to stay and work things out.

But I don't know how long that's going to last.

I miss us. The pair that always went to work together. He'd have my breakfast waiting when he's done his night shift and I'm on morning duty. I miss watching him draw. Those small, bony hands, quite unlike any other hands I've known. His eyes in deep concentration and then he'd look up and wink at me when he sees I've been watching. We'd smile at each other in between our hectic work and I always felt better knowing you were just right there. I walked to my car one night and saw that he'd left a note on my dashboard. I miss our webcam sessions. I miss us talking and laughing so much in the car, we got lost all the way to Pangsun. I miss you taking care of me when I was down with the H1N1 flu.

When I think about all our memories, they're so foreign now that I wonder if it was really a movie. If that girl really is me and is that really you.

No Need To Wonder What's Been On My Mind

Been up all night staring at you
Wondering what's on your mind
I've been this way with so many before
But this feels like the first time

You want the sunrise to go back to bed
I want to make you laugh
Mess up my bed with me
Kick off the covers, I'm waiting

Every word you say
I think I should write down
Don't want to forget come daylight

Happy to lay here
Just happy to be here
I'm happy to know you

Play me a song
Your newest one
Please leave your taste on my tongue

Paperweight on my back
Cover me like a blanket

And no need to worry
That's wasting time
And no need to wonder what's on my mind
It's you

And I give up
I let you win
You win cause I'm not counting

You made it back
To sleep again
Wonder what you're dreaming