He's My Favorite Martian

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray.

Okay, so I felt really pathetic and desperate, being the sad heartbroken girl, sitting on the floor in the self-help relationship section of MPH, reading this book. But I've got to say, this book saved my life.

It taught me what 10 years of dating and countless heartbreaks didn't teach me - the meaning of trust. Sure, I know I've always had trust issues ever since I could remember but to be honest, I can't really explain what trust is. For me, it was to believe my man didn't go out grabbing every girl he can but that's about all the definition of trust that I've got.

But John Gray (God bless him) here taught me that trust really meant believing the best in your partner. To believe that he can take care of himself, that he won't screw up a relationship he loves and to believe that he will come back when he leaves.

Which brings me to the rubber band theory of why men pull away, sometimes for no apparent reason. Seriously, it is now so much easier for me to let him go when I know he will be back with more love. And it doesn't bother me so much anymore when he's playing games on his phone all the time, even ignoring me when I talk. I know he's just in his "cave" and it doesn't mean he doesn't love me or is just trying to be rude. It's just how men are. It is because they are different that they complement women perfectly.

And even though I might not be able to remember everything I've learnt from this book (especially when my patience is tested), all I have to remember is that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. Remembering our differences helps to put things into perspective and remind us that our loved one isn't deliberately trying to hurt us. It is just that Martians and Venusians think and communicate differently. It does not mean that he/she doesn't love you. In fact, now that I've read this book and reflected on our relationship, I now understand that all those annoying things he used to do were in fact his way of expressing his love (the Martian way) but I, a Venusian, didn't understand his Martian talk.

And then there was that chapter on how your past may affect you. It hit the spot for me, so much so that I actually wanted to cry and I have never cried while reading a book.

You might have noticed that I didn't spill the beans on what exactly did this book say about men and women and how to relate to each other. That's because I want you to go to your nearest bookstore and buy a copy. If you've been in so many relationships your whole life but end up disappointed or heart broken every time, then this book is for you. If you and your partner have been together a really long time but aren't really happy, then this book is for you. Don't be shy about buying a relationship help book. These books are written by relationship experts, wouldn't you want to know the secret to lasting relationships?

But of course, to read this book, you've got to find that special someone who you love enough to want to change yourself for the better. I'm glad I've found mine.

Lessons on Living

As usual during the holidays, I am always hungry for a good book, because this is the only time I could read. I keep bugging my parents to buy me a new book, oblivious to the fact that the best books are just on the shelves of my own home. I actually bought 2 books this semester break, one of them being The 5 People You Meet in Heaven, by Mitch Albom. The book was good and stayed with me a day or two before I started to forget the message of the story. But then, it was good enough to make me want to read another book by Mitch Albom and I recalled seeing Tuesdays With Morrie on the shelf in the family hall. So I picked it up and started reading.

By the end of 3 days, the book moved me so much, I was actually crying. And I'm not one to cry over movies or songs, much less over story books. But the story was just so deep and meaningful, and Morrie is just such a great person that I cried for him, even though we would never ever know each other. God, if I knew him personally I would probably cry myself to death too.

The book is based on a true story, about an old college professor diagnosed with amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS), or better known as Lou Gehrig's disease. This is a disease that slowly eats up all the nerves in your body, leaving you paralyzed and "trapped" in your own body. Doctors predict a maximum of 5 years to live when diagnosed with ALS. I think Morrie lived up to two. Mitch Albom is the student of Morrie, who heard about him on TV and then travelled to meet him every Tuesday, documenting everything Morrie had to say about what he has learnt from life. And no, it is not at all as boring as it sounds. Notable people with ALS includes Stephen Hawking, and even if you don't know the name, I am sure you know the person. It's this guy right here:




The heartbreaking part isn't even about the cruelty of the disease. It is that Morrie is a wonderful person. Such a lively man with a good heart. For a person like that to be struck by such an illness and then being strong about it, it just brings me to tears. He's the kind of man who dances alone, not caring how he looks like, and everyone would probably think he was making a fool out of himself if it wasn't for the fact that he seems to be throughly enjoying himself.
And he got the disease at age 73. That just breaks my heart even more because, believe it or not, I love old people. This is something I have learnt ever since I joined nursing. Old people are funny in that they can tell you fascinating stories about their youths, or have cute complaints over everyday matter like using the toilet. And then there's the part where you get to help out in feeding, bathing, and cleaning an old person, and whether I receive gratitude or not doesn't matter to me because that person has already given me that all-round good feeling. I love old people. Also, old age is when you get to relax, reflect upon life and really enjoy the things around you. I think it just sucks when old age is ruined by things like disease or family problems.

My favorite excerpts from this book are these:

One afternoon, I am complaining about the confusion of my age, what is expected of me versus what I want for myself.
"Have I told you about the tension of opposites?" he says.
The tension of opposites?
"Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.
"A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle."
Sounds like a wrestling match, I say.
"A wrestling match". He laughs. "Yes, you could describe life that way."
So which side wins, I ask?
"Which side wins?"
He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.
"Love wins. Love always wins"

Needless to say, a tension of opposites is exactly how I would describe my relationship with Asrul. I'm loud, he's shy. I'm impulsive, he's careful and deliberate. I spend money like nobody's business while he's preaching at me to save some for a rainy day. And who wins? When we were so busy wrestling each other, having screaming matches, it was so clear who the winner was. Either me or him. But now, when we have understood how much we mean to each other, we let love win. We always agree in the middle. Well, most of the time anyway.

It is 1979, a basketball game in the Brandeis gym. The team is doing well, and the student section begins a chant, "We're number one! We're number one!" Morrie is sitting nearby. He is puzzled by the cheer. At one point, in the midst of "We're number one!" he rises and yells, "What's wrong with being number two?"
The students look at him. They stop chanting. He sits down, smiling and triumphant.

This one is just plain hilarious. Morrie is a very philosophical man, and I can't remember all of the philosophies he came up with by the end of his life but he just didn't agree with the American culture. You've got to read the book to really get what I'm saying. And my final quote on him:

"It's very simple. As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed at 22, you'd always be as ignorant as you were at 22. Aging is not just decay, you know. It's growth. It's more than the negative that you're going to die, it's also the positive that you understand you're going to die, and that you live a better life because of it."

As a child, I have always been impatient about my age. When I was 9, I couldn't wait to be 12. When I was 12, I could wait to be 18. And when I was 18, I couldn't wait to be, well, 21. And now I can't wait to hit 25 so I can get married. But that's it. I wish life could pause in my twenties, the best age you could ever be. But life just doesn't work that way and Morrie has given me a more positive outlook on aging.

Upon finishing this book, I again began to debate with myself. Which field do I really want to be involved in? Mental health or midwifery? Morrie was involved in mental health and reading his story has confirmed to me what I have suspected all along. That learning and practicing mental health really gives u satisfaction in life. It is a very personally rewarding field. But midwifery? I have wanted to be a midwife since I first discovered nursing, when I was 17. I have read books on pregnancy and newborns. I have planned to work in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) when I graduate.

Well, I think I will leave that for future me to decide. Future me is screwed with those two choices. Meanwhile, present me has to concentrate on graduating at least upper first class.

I suggested to Asrul that perhaps he could borrow some books I have to improve his English, since he's keen on doing that (after my mum suggested it, he has become quite enthusiastic). I was surprised when he agreed on reading up, so I'm lending him The Five People You Meet In Heaven, also by Mitch Albom. It's a simple book but with meaning, exactly the kind I like. I'm beginning to have a liking for books that are meaningful and come with a message. Chick lits are okay, but only if you're taking a crap and want to pass some time. Well, for me at least.

Thanks Ezzura, for the heads up on Cecilia Ahern's A Place Called Here, didn't want to waste my time going round a thick book with a silly ending.

The next book on the list is Roddy Doyle's Paddy Clarke Hahaha. Yup, that really is the title. I bought it because it has a unique cover. I just hope it doesn't disappoint me.