Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Think Twice

This is a common sight lately. Only in some cases, the babies are found cold and lifeless, not crying and squirming like this one.

While I have no solutions to the issue of child abandonment, I do have a few observations to make. For one thing, whenever there are pictures of abandoned babies, there will be comments from people saying "Oh how cute this baby is" or "just adorable!".

I doubt they would say the same thing of these babies if they (the babies) weren't in such a tragic situation. It's very likely that these babies, born out of wedlock (as we assume most are), would receive condemnation and be stigmatized for the rest of their lives simply for being born to parents who didn't know better. Society regards them with disgust and prejudice and yet, when an illegitimate child is disowned, we claim how beautiful they are.

I have only one word for this. Hint : It has 9 letters and starts with an H.

When one comes across a young single mother, whose child bears no name of a father, one would quickly (and probably rightfully) assume the child is illegitimate and the look on one's face would change and the neighborhood where this young mother lives would be filled with gossip and slander.

It's a no-win situation for a young girl pregnant out of wedlock. She's damned by society whether she keeps the child or not.

Though it is a terrible thing to happen, to be pregnant out of wedlock, one can't drop the entire weight of blame on the young girl. It's not just the father of the baby who is obviously at fault but aren't people also shaped by the environment they live in? There so many factors contributing to what happened but all we do is condemn the mother and baby.

While by no means am I saying that the act of abandoning babies (and sometimes even killing it) is justified, we have to think that one of the reasons the mother does so is because she is afraid of the perception of society. Yes, one must be brave enough to accept the consequences of one's actions but not everyone can be that courageous. Further more, the parents of these unfortunate children are more likely to be teenagers. They were stupid enough to get knocked up in the first place, it would take a whole lot of sudden wisdom for them to decide to be mature and do the right thing.

I may not have any answers but I can say one thing, though : Leave judgment to God.

It doesn't matter if someone has 10 illegitimate children or that they're all from different fathers, we aren't doing anyone any favors by being scornful and rubbing salt onto wounds. Sometimes, we are so insistent that being nice means being encouraging, we forget that these people are just humans and that it is not our place to judge.

Instead of being all judgmental and negative, I think it would be better for everyone if we just muttered a prayer under our breath to ease the lives of those who are unfortunate and for those who sin to repent and return to the right path.

I am by no means an angel but I do think twice about criticizing others' mistakes that has nothing to do with me.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle - Plato

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Inna lillahi wa ina illahi ra'jiun

Today was the first time I went out wearing a tudung. Reason being : I wanted to try it out, I've been reading the Quran everyday for the whole month and have been thinking about turning over a new leaf. And I also wanted to go to an Islamic bookstore in Bangi to get myself a new Quran because mine is (according to my neighbor who's teaching me how to read) an older version.

After buka and maghrib prayers, me and Asrul headed over to Times Square because I wanted to treat him to a movie. The Expendables. I know how much he's wanted to watch that movie, even before it was released. We arrived at Times Square around 9.45 pm and got the 10 pm movie, which was perfect timing. When I was paying for the movie, I admitted I bragged a bit. I held my purse open and said "Banyaknye duit I". I just received my RA payment of rm160 and my dad gave me rm100 this morning before he left for Terengganu and I still had the rm50 my mom gave me for my chores last week. At the time, I had spent around rm30 for buka plus toll expenditures and rm22 for movie tickets and rm12 for popcorn and drinks. When I entered that movie hall, I had (give or take) around rm246 in my purse.

When I said "Banyaknye duit I", I had no intention of bragging at all. Asrul even said "Berlagak eh u" and at the time, it crossed my mind that perhaps, God will punish me for my arrogance but I brushed it away almost as soon as it entered my head. When I said what I said, I was actually in awe. I don't know why. It isn't unusual for me to lug around hundreds of ringgit in my purse but I haven't done so since I graduated and my parents stopped giving me pocket money and so, I was quite amazed at the amount of cash I had. And if I'm honest, I'd say there was a feeling in me that said "it's too good to be true".

We sat at the very back row. Seat A24 and A25. As usual, I placed my huge handbag right next to my foot, between him and me. I always place my handbag next to my foot but I make sure my foot is always touching it so I know it's there.

The movie was awesome. We were probably just 30mins into it when I had this disturbing feeling about my bag. Tak senang hati. So I picked it up and checked my phone. Usually, when I have this sort of feeling, it's because someone's calling me but I'm not picking up. I checked my phone. No missed calls. I had a feeling I had to place my phone in my pants pocket, just in case my parents called. But I ignored that feeling and placed it back into my bag and next to my foot. About 10mins later, I was still feeling unsettled. I picked up my bag again and was surprised to find it unzipped. My first thought was "Omg, did my eyeliner fall out?" I've lost 2 MAC eyeliners through my own carelessness of forgetting to zip up my bag.

My eyeliner was still there. I looked around on the floor and found my lip balm. I poked Asrul in the ribs and told him my bag was unzipped and asked him to check if there was anything on the floor. He looked around, even felt under the seat but there was nothing. So I zipped my bag and placed it next to my foot again.

Not 10mins later, I was still feeling unsure of myself. Something kept bugging me to check my purse that was in my handbag. And so, I reached, once more, for my bag. It was still unzipped. This time, I panicked a bit. I checked my purse. The latch was undone. I looked inside but all my things were there. I felt for the side pocket where I kept my cash.

It was empty. I couldn't believe it so I checked again. Perhaps my hand slipped under the cash. It was dark but when I looked, I was pretty sure my purse was empty of money. I looked again to make sure I was looking at the right pocket.

The money was really gone.

I shook Asrul. "Mana duit I???" He was surprised and checked it for me. While we were checking, someone emerged from behind our seat and ran for the exit that was right next to us. I was shocked beyond words. It was only when the door was closing that the reality hit me.

I've been robbed.

Asrul ran out the back door but he was gone. All I ever saw was a black shadow moving towards the door. I was so shocked, I couldn't believe what was happening.

We ran around the back stairs, me screaming at him and him screaming back at me.

"Kenapa u tak kejar dia?!"

"Selipar I putus la u, I nak kejar macam mana?!"

"U dah nampak dia dah, kenapa you tak kejar!!"

We were running up and down the emergency stairs, opening unlocked fire escapes, trying to find the bastard, all the while in a heated argument ourselves. It was hell. There were so many exits. Some led to storerooms, some led to back alleys. He could have easily escaped or hid somewhere.

In despair, we gave up after about 15mins of running up and down those stairs, opening doors that led nowhere. And then we got a bit lost trying to find our way back to the movie hall. When we did find our way back, I entered the hall in tears and he was shouting and cursing at GSC. Everyone was staring but no one offered any help or even asked us what was wrong. We left the hall screaming for the guy to stop, for one thing. And I'm pretty sure the couple seated next to us could hear what was going on.

Thank you, friendly Malaysians. Thanks for nothing.

We headed over to the GSC management, me ready to tear someone into pieces for leaving the back doors unguarded, and Asrul trying to hold me back and calm me down.

Long story short, no one wanted to claim responsibility. GSC brought us to the security office where they wanted us to file a report but when I asked what the report was for, they simply said it was "for feedback" and nothing much would be done. I didn't want to waste my time writing my heart out on a piece of paper that would then be stuffed far far away in some file in a long forgotten office but Asrul wrote and signed the report. I was crying and hyperventilating and couldn't sit still and wasn't going to listen to what anyone told me.

Can you believe that the GSC manager said that there's a sign at the movie entrance that clearly stated patrons were supposed to take care of their belongings and they claim no responsibility to lost or stolen property? And the security guards (the ones who can speak Malay la kan) said that I could lodge a police report and "kalau polis ambil serious case ni" then I can bring my report here and view the CCTVs.

No one helped us. When Asrul asked what action would they take, they answered some corporate crap that I can't even remember now. This is the attitude of people these days. If it didn't happen to them, they don't give a damn about other people's hardship. The stupid GSC manager even scoffed at me and mocked me about the emergency exits.

I am refraining from cursing in this post because I will mention Allah SWT here.

When I was running around the fire escape stairwell, all I could think of was,"Why is this happening to me? Why has Allah forsaken me? Haven't I been good lately? Haven't I prayed everyday for bad things not to befall me and the ones I love?"

Now that I have calmed down, I see now that I was wrong. If bad things never happened to good people, then we will never learn from life. I accept anything He chooses me to go through and I will be patient. He has not forsaken me for I am alive and well and all that I have lost is material things that are replaceable.

And hasn't He said to us that when disaster comes, however big or small, those who say "inna lillahi wa ina illahi ra'jiun" (Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return) and those who prevail in patience when tested are the ones who will prosper. It is He who gives and it is He who takes away.

I have surely failed this test of His. I cried and I screamed and I blamed just about everyone.

I am writing this post after just coming home from this ordeal. I am still traumatized and keep on replaying it all in my head. Everything that could have prevented it from happening. What if we had picked a different seat? What if I had held my bag in my lap? What if I had acted fast enough as soon as I discovered my bag was unzipped the first time? What if I had heeded my gut feelings and placed my phone in my pocket? What if I didn't step on Asrul's flops and broke it at the beginning of the movie so he could have run faster and caught the thief? What if I hadn't bragged about how much money I had?

There is nothing left to be done. My parents weren't upset when I called them, they were just concerned about me getting home safe and my dad said my money and hand phone can be replaced but that didn't erase the events of the day.

I will now go take a shower and stay up all night reading the Quran until I can't read and my eyes can't see and then I will pray for consequences for the thieving bastard, consequences both in the present and in the afterlife.

I hope he gets hit by a bus so that Allah SWT can deal with him.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Nothing Can Take Me Away From My Guy

Nothing you can say can take me away from my guy
Nothing you could do cause I'm stuck like glue to my guy
I'm sticking to my guy like a stamp to a letter
Like birds of a feather we stick together
I'm telling you from the start
I can't be torn apart from my guy

No muscle bound man could take my hand from my guy
No handsome face could ever take the place of my guy
He may not be a movie star but when it comes to being happy, we are
There's not a man today who can take me away from my guy

Happy birthday, daling.

The Revelation

Alif, Lam, Mim.

This is the Book; in it is guidance sure, without doubt, to those who fear God;

Who believe in the Unseen, are steadfast in prayer, and spend out of what We have provided for them;

And who believe in the Revelation sent to thee, and sent before thy time, and (in their hearts) have the assurance of the Hereafter.

They are on (true) guidance, from their Lord, and it is these who will prosper.

This is, by far, my favorite verse from the Quran.

Monday, August 9, 2010


Quick post while I'm here at Oldtown Kajang.

I did my hair this morning! After 4 grueling hours of being propped up in a salon chair, I think my hair looks pretty good! I look like I actually have a whole head of hair instead of a few strands, for one thing.

And that is the only consolation I have after all my convocation pictures were lost in a faulty memory card and yesterday's trip to the beach where we ended up fighting almost the whole way back.

While I wait for the studio pictures, this is all I have left of my convocation pictures. Thank God for camera phones!

I do not want to think about those convocation pics. Already I feel a stab in my heart everytime I lay eyes on my friends' pictures.

Sorry eh tak komen gambar korang. Tak sanggup nak tengok.

A BIG congrats to my dearest friend Sai, who won the Best Bumiputera Engineering Student! Proud of you, Sai! Gosh, I wish I had studied harder.

Tengok, Syaz! Masa kat matrik dulu asyik fikir Sai ni busy buat kerja apa padahal sama class kan! Rupanya dia study macam gila time kitorg tengah tengok movie hari-hari kan!

Congrats Saiyang!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I'm All Black And White Inside

August, My Favorite

I think I've been waiting all year just to get to this month.

What's so fab about August?

Well, it's not just because yours truly will be turning 22 on the 15th, but also my much-awaited convocation is this weekend, plus Asrul's birthday is just 5 days after mine, and it's also the first time in 5 years that I will be spending the fasting month at home!

Yes, it has been 5 years since I last spent the whole of Ramadhan at home and I miss pigging out during the breaking of fast! Teheee. Tomorrow there'll be 2 events for graduates and I'll be going to both, then on Saturday is The Big Day.

Both Ezzura and Asrul have tickets to actually go into the hall and see me receive my scroll as both my parents managed to secure VIP tickets (thanks to my dad's many friends in UKM). I'll be wearing a new outfit of silk and chiffon which cost almost RM 500 (no doubt it will be the last piece of garment my dad's buying for me).

I've been sending out resumes with little feedback so I'm thinking, after Shawal arrives, I might just go job-hunting again but this time I'll aim low. I've got to be more positive. I'm pretty sure I'll get a government nursing position but that will take a few months, so, in the meantime, I think I'll be a kindergarten teacher. I am obsessed with cute kids. But I do hope that I'll be teaching kids 4 years old or under as all that cute screaming gets more annoying as they get older.

Monday I'll be going to the salon to get my hair done! I love going to the salon! I don't know which one I'm more excited for, my convocation or getting my hair done! This is my current hair but don't be fooled, I just had it ironed today for the convocation events tomorrow so, in reality, it looks way messier than pictured here.

At first I was thinking of just straightening my hair and opting for a brighter color (I'm thinking reddish brown) but then my mind went into overdrive and now I'm thinking of curls or a short bob. I haven't decided yet but I'm pretty sure I'll go for long curls. I'm quite bored with my long straight hair.

Oh, I almost forgot. Me and Asrul will be going for a picnic by the beach this Sunday. I won't have time to cook so I'll just head over to my favorite nasi lemak place in Kajang and perhaps pack a few sandwiches. We've never gone out of the city together before so this should be fun.

Nothing can spoil August.