Really Long Boyfriend Survey

Because I'm bored.

What is his name?

Mohamad Asrul Bin Mohd Bakher

How old is he?

21

Height?

175cm

Eye Color?

Dark brown

Hair Color?

Dark dark brown

Is he pretty?

What..? I sure hope not!

Is he cute?

Yes he is

Is he funny?

Absolutely!

Is he unique?

The one and only.

How long have you been going out?

3 years.

Do you love him?

With all my heart.

Who said I love you first?

I think it was me. Hahaha. Berzaman kot kalau tunggu dia! I am not a patient person.

How long do you plan on being with him?

For the rest of our lives.

Would you steal or lie for him?

Steal? I don't think he'd let me do that. Lie for him? At some point I think I've already done that.

Would you stand up for him?

Yes, without even thinking about it.

Would you protect him even if he was at fault?

Yes I would.

If some one touched him in the wrong way what would you do?

I'd kill that person!!

Do you trust him?

Not really but that's not his fault. I find it very hard to trust people.

Whats your favorite thing about him?

His "good boy" attitude. He's very reasonable and keeps my feet on the ground.

Whats his favorite music?

Right now, he's loving the song like a G6 by Far East Movement.

Whats his favorite food?

Probably KFC?

Would you stop doing something for them?

Yup, I've done that countless times.

Is he a jealous person?

Yes he is but with reason.

How often do you think of them?

Never a second without him on my mind.

Have you sang for them?

I did one time, actually. Hahaha. Hard for me to say I'm sorry by Chicago, because he was mad at me at the time.

Would you let some one or something keep you from seeing him?

I'd try my very best to see him and I'll have you know I'm a very determined person.

Does he call you every day?

Yes, sometimes more than 5 times a day. Dia malas nak text sebenarnya. Baru je sebut, ni dia dah call.

Do they smoke?

He's been smoke-free for 7 months. I'm so proud!

Name one thing you would change about him?

His temper.

Has he changed you?

Yes he has. He's tamed my temper quite a bit. I no longer curse when arguing.

When was the last time you saw him?

Yesterday.

Does he go to your school or work with you?

Nope. I do not date people I work with.

Would you love him no matter what?

Yes I would.

What would make you break up with him?

If he ever cheated on me. No wait, I won't need to break up with him because he'd be dead by then.

Have you seen him cry?

Yup.

Has he bitten you?

No but I've bitten him. Hahahaa.

Does he trust you?

As much as I trust him.

Is he some one you want to be with for a long time?

Of course!

How long have you known him?

More than 3 years.

Why did you choose him?

It was his "little boy" looks that made me adore him when we first met.

What would be the perfect date with him?

Just us two, someplace quiet, and no distractions. Oh, and with food. We love to eat.

Have you met his parents?

Yup. They love me! Hehehe.

Has he met your parents?

Yup. Well, my parents love me more. Hahaha.

Do your best friends like him?

My best friend has a crush on him. Hahahahahaha.

Day Ten: Ten Final Words

Hope you enjoyed this series as much as I did.

Day Nine: Ten Ways To Win My Heart

Dear boyfriend, please take note.

1. Get me a really cute kitten.

2. Surprise me with flowers, preferably long-stemmed ones, tied with a big bow and no plastic. I don't care what kind of flowers, I love everything.

3. Tell me a song that reminds you of me and why it does.

4. Write me a really corny love letter.

5. Give me something handmade.

6. Make me a romantic picnic in the park.

7. Cook me my favorite dish. I love it when men cook.

8. Hug me when I'm angry.

9. Come to me from a really long way, just to comfort me when I'm upset.

10. Dance with me to a slow song.

As you might have noticed, most of the things that can make me fall head over heels doesn't involve a lot of money. I'm beyond getting expensive jewelery, teddy bears, and I don't fancy chocolates that much. See, it's not that hard to win a girl's heart. Why most men find it hard to do is hard for me to understand.

Day Eight: Ten Of My Favorite Songs

1. Terrified - Katharine McPhee feat. Zachary Levi

2. Hey soul sister - Train

3. Flightless bird - Iron & Wine

4. Animal - Neon Trees

5. Toxic - Glee Cast version

6. Whatever you like - Anya Marina

7. Strange and beautiful - Aqualung

8. Just the way you are - Bruno Mars

9. Thunder (acoustic) - Boys Like Girls

10. Larut - Dewa

Day Seven: Ten Important People

1. My mama, Norita Koo Bt Abdullah. Annoying at times, funny most times, and in competition with me to see who loses the most weight.

2. My papa, Mohd Shamsuddin Bin Zahid Sopian. Amazingly, he's not as bad tempered when we're alone together (which is a lot recently, him being retired and me unemployed). He usually buys me what I want and is the reason why I entered nursing in the first place.

3. Nur Ezzura Bt Ezzudin. We've known each other since we were 7, sat next to each other for most of our school years, and is the first person I run to whenever I'm in trouble.

4. Mohamad Asrul Bin Mohd Bakher. We'll be celebrating our 3 years anniversary soon. I've never had a boyfriend who could stand the devil in me for so long. How he does it is a complete mystery to me.

5. Saidatul Syazwani Bt Zulkifli. She's the nicest, most supportive friend I've ever known and believe me people, what you see is not what you get. She should join the group "I may look calm, but in my head I've killed you 3 times" on Facebook.

6. Noor Syazwani Bt Redzwan. We had so much fun back in matriculation, a tonne of memories to last me a lifetime. I really miss you Syaz, and will love you always!

7. Farah Mislina Bt Khairuddin. A friend in need is a friend indeed. Sayang kat budak pendek ni! I promise to buy you a key chain from whichever country I go to for the rest of my life.

8. Surayah Binti Abd Manan. She may not know it, but her lively personality and cuteness is really infectious. I really missed her after she moved out.

9. Ikamaya Bt Mohd Ariffin. We may have had our differences (most of it were really trivial things) but in the end, she turned out to be a really good friend. And like all good books, a good ending makes for a good tale.

10. If I'm honest, I really miss Siti NurSolihah Bt Adnan. She was one of the best friends I've ever had, and the ending of our friendship was simply proof that the root of all misunderstandings is a breakdown in communication. Remember that time in an activity when we had to give out straws to people we love? I do.

You Got Me Wrapped Around Your Finger

If you, if you could return

Don’t let it burn, don’t let it fade

I’m sure I’m not being rude

But it’s just your attitude

It’s tearing me apart

It’s ruining everything

And I swore, I swore I would be true

And honey so did you

So why were you holding her hand

Is that the way we stand

Were you lying all the time

Was it just a game to you

But I’m in so deep

You know I’m such a fool for you

You got me wrapped around your finger

Do you have to let it linger

Do you have to, do you have to

Do you have to let it linger

Oh, I thought the world of you

I thought nothing could go wrong

But I was wrong

I was wrong

If you, if you could get by

Trying not to lie

Things wouldn’t be so confused

And I wouldn’t feel so used

But you always really knew

I just wanna be with you

And I’m in so deep

You know I’m such a fool for you

You got me wrapped around your finger

Do you have to let it linger

Do you have to, do you have to

Do you have to let it linger

I had this horrible dream last night. As if I don't have enough trust issues already.

Cute But Psycho. You've Been Warned.

Kadang-kadang saya sengaja marah awak. Sebab saya suka awak pujuk saya. Hehehe.

Day Six : Ten Items I Can't Live Without

1. My hand phone. More specifically, my Blackberry. Not to flaunt, but I don't really need my laptop anymore since I'm using this phone because it feeds my Facebook addiction. Okay, if you want to gimme iPhone also can.

2. Black eyeliner. Haiyo, this one also I'm addicted already!!

3. Contact lenses. I'd be blind without them.

4. Hair products, more specifically, hair mousse and hairdryer. Actually, even if I don't blow dry it'll still be alright but I'm vain, I want voluminous hair.

5. Okay la, I need my laptop also la! Need to check my e-mail and write my blog.

6. Lip balm. I have seriously dry lips. Hurmmm make that a highly moisturizing lipstick.

7. My car. I've had a taste of my own transportation and I'm not going back!! Goodbyeeeee long hours waiting for KTM and being crammed with banglas.

8. The Quran I bought last Ramadhan, together with another book of its content and meanings. I can live without it, but I wouldn't be living well.

9. Okay la, sekali ngan telekung la. Macam mana pulak nak sembahyang kan?

10. MONEY. I don't want to eat out of garbage cans.

Day Five: Ten Wishes

1. For a better government, one that actually knows how to manage a country and its people sincerely.

2. To be happily married to the man I love.

3. For a successful career that can take me worldwide.

4. For a better future for the nursing profession. This means better working conditions, more respect, better pay, more recognition, and to be upheld as a profession, which it truly is.

5. For my parents to be happy, now and forever.

6. For my friends to never be led astray.

7. For beautiful children in the future who do not test me more than I am capable of.

8. For guidance from Allah SWT, may I never forget Him and may He forgive me for my sins.

9. For me to not cross paths with people who only have cruel intentions towards me and the ones I love.

10. For me to be able to repent before I pass on and may my last words be "lailahaillallah".

Day Four: Ten Things I Want To Say To One Person

To our Prime Minister:

1. If the proposed Mega Tower is privately funded, then why did you announce it in Budget 2011?

2. I feel personally insulted that you think the nation is gullible enough to swallow all your lies.

3. Your wife is the biggest menace I've ever had the displeasure to come across.

4. I used to like you when you were the education minister because it was you that gave me the opportunity to skip standard 4 under the PTS scheme.

5. Guess we shouldn't always rely on first impressions, huh?

6. I am utterly pissed off that my fellow classmates and I are all unemployed graduate nurses. I even met a few diploma nurse graduates from a private university and she graduated in April and she's still waiting for the government to call for an interview. And yet my working seniors are complaining of an impossible workload where 35 patients depend on 5 nurses and the national nurse to patient ratio is nowhere near its target. So your explanation for us unemployed nurse graduates is....?

7. If you ignore the voices of the rakyat and go on to build that tower, I can guarantee you will be out of office by next election.

8. Some balls you had, saying that UMNO can win the elections even if it were to be held tomorrow.

9. Please take a bus to work or get in the queue of a government hospital to understand the pains the rakyat has to go through everyday.

10. How an old baggy man like you can seduce a pretty model is beyond me.

I am feeling very politically-driven right now, thanks to this particular Facebook page. Please join if you can, it really makes you feel patriotic and opens your eyes at what the government is doing.

"And We Are Nearer To Him Than His Jugular Vein"

Today, at Quran reading class, my beloved teacher (also my neighbor) discussed with me the nature of Allah SWT. We had just finished surah al-Baqarah and she was telling me that the longest surah in the Quran is the said surah and the longest ayat in the Quran is ayat 282 in surah al-Baqarah. She started telling me about how the Quran was arranged and it's special properties (containing 114 surah and 114 bismillahhirrahmanirrahim but one surah doesn't begin so and that's because it was revealed to our Prophet SAW during the time of war, but in surah an-Naml, there are 2 bismillahhirrahmanirrahim so that makes 114 all the same).

She told me of how the Quran was revealed to our Prophet. That it came from a place high up in the heavens (I forgot the name) and that it came down in the month of Ramadhan but was revealed to the Prophet in stages over 23 years. She also said that that place high up in the heavens is where our destinies and fates are kept, our rezeki and our life journey. (Please, if someone knows what's the name of this place, do tell me)

I asked her, "high up in the heavens? Is that where Allah is?". And she closed her eyes and recited a verse which went something like, "Allah tidak ada daripada tiada, dan juga tidak..." Sorry but I was so awed at what she said and by her expression that I didn't have time to commit what she said to memory. But all in all, what she meant was that Allah doesn't stay in one place. He is everywhere and He isn't a person, He is the essence. I was so amazed and at that moment, a love for Allah SWT blossomed in me so intensely that I began to reflect on my life and how things have turned out for me.

There are many things I don't know about Allah SWT or Islam or even the Prophet. I don't blame my parents because what they lacked in the religious department, they made up in education. I know religious education is important too but you can't have the best of both worlds, can you? And I am so thankful to Allah SWT for giving me the opportunity to learn about Him, about Islam, about the prophets, even if I am already in my twenties. Better late than never.

I have always thought of repenting, solat taubat, covering up, and to avoid sinning, especially when it comes to my relationship with men. But I've always been so scared because I don't know if I can really do it. I don't want to have this really big inspiration one day and go all out, trying to renew myself, only to falter and fade in the months to come. I've seen that happen to so many people. People who cover up and claim to repent but are now tudung-free and back to their old ways. I'm not judging them, I just don't want to be like them. God only gives you 3 chances to repent before your heart closes forever. I do not want to use up my 3 chances, God knows I have so many sins to repent for.

Me and Asrul had this talk a while back and we decided that after we marry (insyaAllah), we will repent together and perform solat taubat and try our best to be the best Muslim we can. Yes, I know we can't wait till we're old to repent. Life doesn't work that way because life may end at any time. I pray all the time for us to be given the chance to repent and make up for our sins together and for Allah SWT to never leave me, even though I know He never will.

You may leave Islam but Islam will never leave you.

Most non-believers (especially those in the West) think Islam is a religion of oppression and violence. Whenever I think of this, I am reminded of an ayat in surah al-Baqarah which means, they are deaf, dumb, and blind, they will not return (to the path). It is also said that only Allah SWT may choose who shall He guide and who He shall not and I am forever thankful that Allah has guided my mother before me and has never left me, however far I might have strayed.

Some may question the existence of God, let alone believe in the Islamic concept of monotheism. I have met people who don't believe in god and while they were bombarding me with all sorts of questions to disprove me of belief in god by giving evidence of injustice, all I could think of was, "if you, a human, can see that it is unfair, what more in the eyes of God?".

And we have to be humbled and accept the fact that not everything requires an answer. Not being able to answer is not a sign of weakness or doubt. It simply means that Allah SWT knows what we know not and He has His reasons for revealing what He has revealed and what He has not.

Have faith in Allah SWT and He will have faith in you.

Except those who repent and make amends and openly declare (the truth) to them I turn; for I am Oft-Returning Most merciful - Al Baqarah 2 : 160

Day Three : Ten Things I Hate

1. Cicak!! I may be an animal lover but this THING isn't an animal to me.

2. Over-modified cars. I'm talking about Kancil cars with loud exhaust pipes, cars with over the top decor and I just can't stand the sight of a spoiler. Yes, its name serves a purpose. It does spoil a car.

3. Taking out the trash. Because my rubbish bin is filled with hiding cicaks.

4. Chinese herbal tea. I can't stand the smell!!

5. When the heroine in a movie is fugly. Read : Charlie St Cloud.

6. Cats who are sombong. I only want to say hi and give you a treat, why are you being such a bitch?

7. The fact that my eyelashes are so short, I might as well not have any.

8. Hair bands that look great but hurt after wearing it for a half hour. What a waste of 50 bucks (yes, that's how much a hair band will cost you these days).

9. Books that are so fictitious, that they require you to travel through time (The Time Traveler's Wife) or to another place way out there (A Place Called Here). My imagination died when I was 12.

10. Maths. Enough said.

Day Two: Ten Things I Love

1. Accessories. Necklaces, bangles and rings are my favorite. I don't really wear earrings unless it's a special occasion.

2. Charms for my charm bracelet.

3. Books. I love both fiction and non-fiction, especially if it has courtroom scenes, I really don't know why I love all this law and order stuff.

4. Handbags! Because I don't think I have as many as everyone else. Mana boleh kalah!

5. Skirts and dresses. I think they're special because they were made especially for girls.

6. All those little hangers shaped like dolls and little furniture with openings, made for keeping accessories. I purposely keep my dressing table messy in the hope that people might see it and buy those stuff for me to get organized.

7. Hair products. Hair dye, mousse, straightening cream, treatment packets, hair curlers and irons, leave-on conditioners. Whoever came up with the line "effortlessly beautiful", has never been behind the scenes.

8. Make-up. I don't wear much make-up unless it's for a dinner or something but I just love collecting make-up, I have no idea why. Maybe it's the packaging and cute colors? On usual days I'd just put on some lipstick, eyeliner, and baby powder and I'm good to go.

9. My collection of cards on my birthdays, aidilfitri, valentine's (most of them are from Ezzura, hahaha), and even a thank you note from a student I facilitated way back when. I have them all in a box under my bedside table and plan to put them all up on a cork board when I get my own place.

10. A book of love letters Asrul wrote while I was away in London for 2 months last year. It was a book he wrote in whenever he missed me and it would be one of the 3 things I would take with me if my house was on fire.

Day One: Ten Things About Me

1. I hated sushi until I graduated high school and found a part-time job with Ezzura at Sushi King. Free sushi everyday for 3 months has converted me into a sushi lover for life.

2. I love strawberries. The fruit, shake, smoothie, ice cream, lip balm, perfume, body butter, you name it, I love it.

3. I can't look people in the eye and lie with a straight face. I just can't. I wish I could.

4. I get really pissed off when people piss my friends off. More likely than not, I'd charge into the battlefield with a sword and no armor.

5. I know Carrefour is pronounced "car-fu" and Ikea "i-kea" but I just can't be bothered to sound so snobbish when everyone says it the wrong way. If you can't beat them, join them.

6. I've had 4 pet cats my whole life. Cindy was my first when I got her when I was 3. Then she had 8 kittens and we kept one named Tom who had grey fur and blue eyes. Then I had a black Persian for a while whose name was Cinder. And my last one was my baby Teddy. I currently have no cats and can't wait to have enough money to buy one.

7. I used to be a really tomboyish girl who played with boys, played football, raced Tamiyas and climbed trees.

8. My babysitter used to be Nora Danish's mom. She said I was the bully of all the kids she babysat and my older brother would run to me for protection.

9. Horror movies scare the shit out of me, even if they're really stupid and most people would laugh watching it. Even so, I love watching horror movies and giving myself a good scare.

10. I would never, ever date a guy more beautiful than me. I like the spotlight, thank you.

Ten Things

Found this on Ezzura's blog and I wanna do it too. Teheee.

day one: ten things about you

day two: ten things you love

day three: ten things you hate

day four: ten things you want to say to one person

day five: ten wishes

day six: ten items you can’t live without

day seven: ten important people

day eight: ten of your favourite songs

day nine: ten ways to win your heart

day ten: ten final words

Forgiving The Unforgivable

It's amazing how love can make you forgive someone. Simply because you don't want to lose them. Because you believe, even after how much they've hurt you, that they are a good person and worthy of your forgiveness and of your love.

I wasn't just the victim in my past love chapters. Many a time, I was also the villain. Maybe it was my insecurities playing up, or just sheer boredom, or curiosity that made me test the waters.

Unfortunately, some of my weaknesses still haunt me. But I don't ever want to hurt Asrul the way I hurt other people in my past life. It was mostly a game to us back then; you hurt me so I'll hurt you. I don't want any of that for him.

There was a time, back then, that I wasn't sure if he was the right one for me. I was so afraid of being hurt that I didn't want to truly commit myself. Up till now, I never wanted to truly believe we were meant for each other because if we're not, then I'll just end up heartbroken.

When I told him all this, his response was, "There was never a doubt in my mind that you're the right one for me". It was so honest that it almost made me cry.

We went through all our issues tonight. How I felt back then and why I did what I did. Even though he's told me before that he's forgiven me, it was hard for me to forgive myself.

Because I've never felt this way before.

I've never looked at a cute guy and not want to smile. I've never rejected flirtatious calls purely out of disinterest and not because I was afraid of being found out. I've never wanted to make someone so happy before.

A world without him is literally black and white. Like lyrics without rhyme. I know this because I've lived that world before. I lived it, I tried to be happy, I tried to move on but it always felt like I was leaving my right side behind.

I can learn to forgive myself, the same way I forgave him for his sins and defended him against anyone who didn't have faith in us. I can keep being his no1 supporter in his studies, inspiring his ambitions. I can tweak my future plans for him, weave my dreams around him to make sure he fits into my life.

But if I lose him, I'll never find someone I'll love as much ever again.

It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you.

Growing Pains

This is my album, full of photos from my younger days up till my convocation recently. I intend to get a new one with more pages and to organize them chronologically or perhaps start a scrapbook when I have the time. But this will do for now. Since I love my readers so much, here's a tour of my album and hence, my life.

This is perhaps, the earliest picture of me since my parents' camera was broken when I was born. Or perhaps the whole excitement of a new baby wore off by the time they got to number 3 so here I am, my first photo at the age of perhaps 6 months or so. My mom claims my hair stood up like that all the time, like a permanent Mohawk. Rock kan saya?

I'm guessing I'm at about 8 months here. See those thighs? 22 years later and they still look the same.

My first big accomplishment! This is when I first learnt to walk. And I still have this particular coffee table in my house right now, waiting for my children to learn how to walk around it. Tehee.

My first birthday! Wee~ This was also my first studio picture and by the looks of it, you can tell I hated sitting still and smiling at the camera. The left side of this photo is actually my mom's hand holding me up, telling me not to cry as I was very close to tears (I probably bawled like mad afterwards).

My 2nd birthday! My mom's in her pajamas (I used to wake up freaking early, and I mean so early that me and my brother would turn on the TV and wait for the Negaraku song to start). In this picture, my brother blew out my candles before I could and I cried immediately after and my mom had to relight the candles. I was very garang, even back when I was a kid.

A year later and here I am at my 3rd birthday. My mom's album is full of me with my face smeared with chocolate, ice cream, and, as this photo demonstrates, cake. I was born with a love for food and all things fattening, no surprise as to why I still have my baby thighs. Whenever I see a kid too young to tell the time and yet wearing a watch, I would always remark that I don't see the point of parents buying kids watches when they don't even know how to tell the time yet and here I am, at my third birthday, wearing a watch that I have yet to break/lose/bite to pieces/thump my brother on the head with.

Four years old, at Sungai Congkak with my family and cousins. Saya takut-takut air masa ni. Sejuk!

Us three. Don't you just love it how kids can be so spontaneous in photos? If I pose laughing with my mouth open right now, I'd look like a retard.

Fast forward to the future. Me at 10 years old and my front teeth just grew and no, I am not yet aware that I look like bugs bunny. Poor little me. She didn't know she'd come to hide those huge chompers in each and every photo for the rest of her life. Also, my hair was as bushy as a squirrel's tail, right? I was yet to discover the joys of going to hair salons and Ezzura was yet to convince me to try DIY hair dyes.

Us at 13. I was always tall for my age and look at Ezzura's hand gesture over my shoulder. Patut pun phone casing dia devil. Nanti saya nak cari casing angel. See my peace sign?

Me and Ezzura, now at sweet 16. I would spend a lot of weekends at her place back then and it wasn't long after this photo was taken that her mother passed away. Al-fatihah.

Good friends are hard to find and I have been blessed with 3 such people during my time in matriculation and they have stayed on to be one of my best friends ever. Sai, Syaz, and Naza, may we stay friends for ever and may life treat you all well.

Sometimes I may moan and wince at the pains of life and cry over my troubles while at other times, it may feel like life is perfect and happy and complete. That is the beauty of life. After all, what kind of life would it be if we never learned from our mistakes? Especially when we look back at photos and see how far we've come, it's then that we realize we're all winners.

Not everyone gets to go from here

to here
And from here

to here

It's at times like these that I truly see and appreciate the efforts my parents put in in raising me and the friends that accompanied me throughout my journey. Oh wait, lets not forget

From here
to here

We are all truly blessed, aren't we? Alhamdulillah.

Prayer For The Best I've Ever Had

Ya Allah, jadikanlah dia, Mohamad Asrul, dikasihi pada hati-hati mereka yang beriman dan gembirakanlah dia, Mohamad Asrul, dengan kekayaan sehingga seratus dua puluh kebaikan. Allah adalah sebaik-baik pemelihara dan Dia amat mengasihi daripada segala-galanya.

Aminn.

"Advice From Your Mama"

The Victor

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t
If you like to win but think you can’t,
It’s almost a cinch you won’t.

If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out in the world we find
Success begins with a fellow’s will
It’s all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are.
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win the prize.

Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.

-C.W. Longenecker-

This arrived in my e-mail today, from my mom, with the above title. Together with the following message :

Wishing all our children success and happiness! That life will treat u well most of the time, if not all.

Love,

Mama & Papa


Since I gave my mom my e-mail address a few days ago, she's been bombarding me with forwarded messages, mostly about general safety and once, on how to escape in case I got kidnapped.

But I love this e-mail the best.

Wedding Dreams

1. The nikah

I want to be married at home. I already have a vision, of the living room all cleared up and decked with light pink roses in vases, balls of pink roses hanging from the ceiling, 2 huge nikah pillows in the middle of the room and a Quran right next to one of the pillows.

I want him to khatam Quran before we are married, so he'll have to start reading a year or so before and on the wedding day, I want him to read aloud the last page to the imam, my parents, family and friends.

I want my whole family there, both sides, Malay and Chinese. I'll be wearing a light pink dress with flowers in my hair, my nails and toenails will be covered in inai, Ezzura will be by my side, holding a whole box of tissues that I'll probably finish within the first hour.

As soon as we're pronounced husband and wife, I'll kiss his hands in respect and he'll kiss my forehead with love and then there will be a whole lot of crying and hugging, and after all that, I want to take those corny pictures of us on the bridal bed.

Which is, in my imagination, the bed I am currently sitting on in my room right now.

I already have a double bed but I'll probably buy a wooden bed frame, a cheap one (the expensive 4 poster bed is for our very own place later on). I want pink roses scattered on my bed which will be wearing brand new white wedding sheets with a sheer veil above it. I'll decorate the bridal room with lots and lots of our pictures as a dating couple, just as a reminder of how far we've come.

2. The reception

I came across this reception at Tasik Titiwangsa a while back with Asrul. It's gorgeous, isn't it? I was so taken by it, that I want my wedding to be here at Tasik Titiwangsa. Except that I'll probably have it open-aired with dim lights and candles and lanterns and a live band. With real red roses at every table and on the wedding dais. It will be a white themed reception, with lots and lots of red roses, including the bridal bouquet (but I'll probably add something special to the bouquet to make it, well, special).

The wedding cake? Here I will have to pause and be pissed off for a while. I actually came across a wedding cake in Strudels MidValley and fell immediately in love with it. It was a 5-tier white cake and it was simply gorgeous. I snapped a photo of it using my hand phone with the intention of saving it to be made into a replica for my wedding but, thanks to a certain bastard still scot-free somewhere out there, my N97 mini is gone, together with that wedding cake photo.

I tried to google that particular cake but couldn't find it. No, I don't want any other cake! I want that cake! With the stubborn streak a mile long that I have, I now vow to look for that cake once more in MidValley, snap a picture and upload it immediately. Thank you, creator of Blackberry.

So, no picture of my wedding cake here. But my wedding favors? Here it is :


Wedding cookies! Comel kan!! I want it to be in the shape of my wedding cake, which will be a monstrous 5-tier cake. Wait eh, later I'll upload that wedding cake. I will kay. I will.

And finally, the one everyone's been waiting for...

Drumroll, please....

Isn't it gorgeous? I'll wear red roses in my hair and a veil trailing down my back, it's going to be lovely.

My estimated number of guests? I actually want no more than 100 but let's just keep it at an estimated 200, to be safe. I sure wouldn't want to leave anyone out and hurt people's feelings. But one thing's for sure, it will be a private event, so be sure to RSVP beforehand. I want seating charts and everything. It's gonna be a classy and intimate wedding.

3. The everything else

Bila dah settle wedding dress, macam tak tahu apa lagi nak fikir?

Hehehe. I want my honeymoon to be in Sabah. I'm not gonna demand a super romantic getaway in Europe because God knows I'll never be able to afford that (and I don't expect to be marrying a millionaire anytime soon). So all I want is a 3 day cruise from the Peninsula to Sabah, the only state in Malaysia where I've never been. We'll have to book early because I want to be honeymooning in Sipadan Island. A 3 day cruise on a ship, plus 4 nights on the island (snorkeling, diving, dinner by the beach) and a flight back home to reality. I'm thinking of a 2 week honeymoon but let's see what we can afford.

I'd better start saving up from now cause it seems like a very expensive wedding. And I also want our house to be completely furnished (or at least semi) and ready to move in by the time the honeymoon's over. I'm hoping for a semi-detached house in a nice neighborhood with a good school nearby.

I want 4 kids. And I've already named all the girls. I don't have any names for boys yet but I have a few vague ideas.

Ps/ My mum will probably squash my dreams because she actually suggested to me once, that maybe I'd like a traditional Chinese wedding for my side and then a traditional Malay one for Asrul's side. I'm all game for the traditional Malay on Asrul's side but I very much prefer the open-air, night white wedding that I have replaying in my head almost every night before I go to sleep.

Arrgggghhh. Dah dah. I actually tak sabar lah nak kahwin!