Hello, I'm back and I don't know what to write.
Yes, that is the first thing that came to my mind the moment I clicked on "new post". My absence from the blogging world has been obviously stark for some people, to whom I would like to thank for the support. I truly appreciate my readers and it's for you people that I have gotten off my ass and put my fingers back to its out-of-practice typing mode.
Like all parts of the human body, writing skills waste away if you haven't used them in a while. I hope you will bear with me as I try to get back on my horse and back into creative writing.
The truth is, when you're this happy, you have no idea what to write. Yes, I have someone new and yes, some of you might think it's too soon and yes, a 3 year relationship was really hard to get away from but no, I have no regrets. No matter how happy I was back then, no matter how great making up after a big fight was, a part of me always knew it couldn't last forever and I held it heavy in my heart, like a lump of lead. As terrible as this sounds, I have to admit, the day we broke up, a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders and I felt that I could finally breathe again. As much as I wanted to make him happy, I had to make myself happy first and that unfortunately left him out of the equation. I know it sounds terrible but its true. And I know he'll be much happier without me, eventually.
And the honest truth of why I took such a long break from writing is... well, I couldn't bear to read about all our history in this blog. He's practically my main character, the plot to the whole blog, the beginning and the end. I even thought about starting a new blog, burying this one deep deep in cyberspace but then I thought, I like my blog. I actually developed my writing skills a lot in this blog and I love the background, the comments from my readers, the collection of lyrics I've put up. Why should I give all that up and start from scratch just because I gave him up?
So I waited until I could read all my previous posts without that twisted feeling in my gut, that sting somewhere in me that I couldn't quite point out. Don't get me wrong (and yes, I am talking to you, new boyfriend), I am happy now and I have no regrets about breaking up but like it or not, when you've been with someone 3 years, even after you realize both of you were not meant to be, it still messes you up. Maybe not quite the same if you were dumped by someone you love and thought the whole world of, but it was a whole mix of emotions that I can't even begin to describe.
I love my new boyfriend a lot. Like, a lot a lot. He's funny and kind and most importantly, he's patient and gentle. He might not think much of himself but I think he's just about the best guy I've ever known and I have known quite a number of guys. And he tops them all in almost every way. But you have to admit, it's just been 4 months into the relationship (coming into 5 months in May) and I had just 4 months ago broken up a 3 year relationship. I know you expect me to recover almost as fast as I fell in love with you but I'm sorry I didn't go with the pace.
But I am all done now. You squeezed yourself into my heart and it's completely filled with you, I promise.
You make time speed up and slow down at the same time. It speeds up because I feel like I've known you for the longest time but then time slows down when I realize it's only been 4 months and I'm left blinking in surprise.
4 comments:
I've always like how you can write down so gracefully, conveying your emotion in such beautiful arrangements. In a way, I'm quite envious as my writing skill [to me] is quite dull. LOL.
Anyway, since I've been in one relationship my whole life, it's quite difficult for me to imagine getting over someone and starting afresh with someone new. I'm not saying that in a 'berlagak' tone. As in, I do know that relationships don't always last forever. It's a real curiosity. That's all.
I mean, how do you get rid of everything to make that clean starT?
By the way, have you watched 'strangers, again' on youtube? well, what do you think about it?
-your loyal reader and commentor. LOL-
Thanks wani :) and ur writing skills isn't dull! haha. it's okay, with time and practice, i'm sure u'll get to where u want to be, writing-wise.
U know, for quite some time, when I was much younger, I always thought that it was great if I got a guy who's never had a gf, as in I'm his first love. But now, I find myself breathing a huge sigh of relief when I find out the guy has had a few ex gfs, mostly because a)he at least has some experience on how to handle girls and relationships, b)I don't have to be the first pancake who teaches him all about girls and relationships, and c)guys who's had exes tend to appreciate their current gf more since they've been through some heartache to get to where they are now. I learnt all this from experience and having said that, I think it's really sweet that u and ur bf are each other's first love, and I truly hope both of u got it right the first time, unlike some of us (me) who keeps on shooting in the wrong direction and catching the wrong fish (though I learnt a lot frm it). My sister married her high school sweetheart too and much like u're curious how it is to get over someone and start anew, I'm curious at how people can get it right with their first love. hahaha :P
I haven't watched that video but I saw it being posted on fb and I'll watch it later petang sikit when library connection dah x bar fb. hehehe.
Well, let me know once you've watched it, k :)
Hi Wawa... lovely to see you blogging again! I've only just started up again myself, what with moving house after being inundated by flooding (same as Ijam though not as badly flooded as he was!). We've moved into a lovely house near the beach and right next to a cute little stream. Please come up and holiday with us sometime...
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