In Search Of Freedom

So here's my situation.

The Nursing Board exam is this Wednesday and I haven't studied a single thing because I'm too busy with the World Cup. I stay up almost every night to catch the game, especially when Argentina, Brazil, Spain, or England is playing. Argentina and Brazil has so far played the best, which makes staying up late very much worth it. England's games are so far a real snooze and Spain will have to prove themselves tonight. Me and Asrul will be going out later to watch the game, probably at Dataran Merdeka.

So anyway, my research assistant job tanked, due to some technical problems that I will not divulge right now. So I will be free all through July. I understand and empathize with the problems faced by the researcher but I can't help but feel disappointed because now, I will have to stay home. Now, I will be out of money.

And now, I will be under the reign of my parents.

I have always been a stubborn, rebellious kid. And so, I highly treasure my independence ever since my high school years ended and I entered matriculation in Kedah. For the past 5 years, I have always been able to go wherever I want, whenever I want to, and with whomever.

Don't get me wrong, my intentions are not sinister and I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. And I do try to get home every weekend or every 2 weeks, the very least. At home, I cook and clean, iron and wash, and all that housework. Just last weekend I washed 4 cars in 2 days.

I don't really mind all that housework because hey, it's just on weekends and the rest of the 5 days in a week, I get to do whatever I want. I can go out for sushi, movies with Asrul, gossiping with Sai, and laugh like mad with Ezzura. If no one's available, I can at least get myself pizza or a huge plate of sushi at Jusco Maluri and spend my day watching movies and reruns.

I treasure my independence.

After the exam on Wednesday, I will have to pack up my room in college and move back home. Home is 45km away in Mantin a.ka. middle of nowhere. It is so deserted that Telekom hasn't built phone lines in my housing area, which rules out Streamyx and my dad's Maxis Broadband's signal is so low, I might as well not have internet.

My parents work 5 days a week, my dad works for just 2 days but the rest of the time he's playing golf so it's just me and that empty house. Oh, I forgot. I have a fish pond and a catfish in a tank. Fun, eh? No internet for most days, just TV. My cat passed 3 years ago so there'll be no cute fur ball to cuddle. I will not be receiving any pocket money so it's very likely that I won't be meeting up with friends or my boyfriend for the next 2 months or so.

My mom might argue my boredom by saying there's tonnes of things to do at home. Vacuuming, mopping, doing the laundry, ironing, washing the cars, cleaning out the fish pond, sweeping the front lawn, helping out with the gardening, and the many, many housewife work that she'll probably nag my ears off to do.

Fine, I really don't mind helping out with the housework (just today I ironed all my parents' clothes, which took a gruesome 7 hours) but, because I'm living under their roof, I have to go by their rules (I've been hearing this ever since I could understand language) and that probably means that going out once a week is hard enough, and no staying out past 7 p.m.

Plus, I'll probably have to cook dinner on most days, and when I cook, I'll probably eat too, so be prepared for Azwa The Gargantuan.

I can only start sending out my resume after the Nursing Board exam results and that will take at least a month.

Entahlah. I know it's wrong for me not to want to stay at home but it doesn't have anything to do with me not loving my parents or being an ungrateful daughter but it's just that I'm an adult now. I'll be 22 in August. But parents never understand that. And I just can't take all that arguing and shouting and negativity that is bound to happen if I stay home for more than a week.

I feel guilty for feeling this way. But I can't help it.