I Am Screwed Up Because

I'm feeling pretty emotional today. The answer to the why question is anybody's guess, since nothing major really happened. Anyway, they say putting your feelings into words can make you feel better, so let me vent on how I feel.

1. I think everyone's prettier than me. That's right, I'm talking about you, even if the mirror shows you, as a fat, pimple-plagued geek with braces. I think you'd be prettier than me right now.

It could be because I'm still recovering from a pretty bad flu and am just glad no one's here to witness my sniffing and hawking and my leaving a trail of tissues wherever I go. My hair really needs a visit to the salon. For rebonding and re-coloring. But what it really needs is to go to Yun Nam hair care. You could probably see my scalp from 10 miles away.

2. If I told you I weigh 100kg, would you believe me? Well, it seems like I'm making my way there. Today I had 3 slices of cheesecake (there's a whole cake in the fridge which my mom bought just for me), 1 for lunch and 2 for dinner. Had Special K with strawberries for breakfast and sushi for lunch and cooked tofu chicken and steamed vege for dinner, which I ended up eating alone because my parents had to go out.

I thought of going for a jog in the evening but then I fell asleep on the couch with the TV on.

3. I really, really want my life to start. Right now. What do I mean by "life"? I mean working and earning and living on my own. I mean going out with girlfriends whenever I want to and spending late nights out with my boyfriend. Sure, he doesn't really go out at night even when we had the option but you know what, it's just nice to know that you can. And I want my own money and the freedom to spend it and live my messy little life without being screamed at everyday.

4. I hate this stupid flu. I've been breathing through my mouth for 3 days now. It's tiring!

5. I check my e-mail everyday, twice a day. Once when I wake up, and one more time at night, in case someone decided to reply my resume in the evening. I've written to 5 hospitals, waited for 4 working days (excluding weekends) and still... no word.

6. I really regret telling my mum that I wanna join a gym when I'm a working gal. Now she goes on and on about how it's a sin to have to pay to exercise and today she went on about some guy writing to the papers about being harassed by the gym people because he wants to quit the gym.


Tomorrow I'm going to UKM Bangi to pay my convocation bills, then off to Shah Alam to see Asrul. We'll probably spend the whole day together. Saturday we'll probably go catch a movie. Sunday, if my pay is in, we'll head down to Melaka.

Pfftt. I still don't feel any better.