Sunday, February 21, 2010

The End Of An Era

Oh God, I don't think I've ever had such a tiring week.

Mid-semester break was getting to be really boring until Thursday, when I decided to buy myself a pair of studded booties. I ordered it through a blog shop and the girl emailed me immediately, confirming a pair available in my size. So I went to pick it up at Sunway Pyramid and coincidentally, Ezzura was there with a few of her old school friends, so we decided to meet up.



Cute, eh? When I tried it on, it fit like a glove and even though I've never worn such high heels, the platform on the front soles made it really comfortable - for about the first 5 minutes. Within 30 minutes, my feet were in so much pain, they were numb. For which I am thankful for. So, the next time I wear these boots, it will be on an occasion where I would not need to walk for more than 5 minutes.

After Pyramid, me and Ezzura met up with her boyfriend and made our way to Klang because she was to go for an interview the next day and she wanted to find her way there before the morning jam. Her boyfriend taught me how to use the GPS function on my phone and now I've learnt something new. I hardly ever get lost, even in a place I've never been before (Sai calls me a human GPS), but now, with the actual GPS, I will have unlimited travel freedom.

Thank you, Afizi. But go to hell if you think I'm ever gonna convert to a Man U fan.

=)

Later that night, we had dinner at a restaurant in PJ called Murni. Seriously, it's just a regular little shop but the food is really yummy! And all the time I was thinking who's gonna take me there next time. Sigh. Okay, we'll get back to that later.

I spent the night at Ezzura's place and the next day, we woke at 6 a.m. and I accompanied her to the interview in Klang. On the way there, we saw a whole bunch of shipping containers all stacked up on one another and Ezzura told me a horror story that I will never forget. I will never look at shipping containers the same way ever again.

Saturday, me, Ezzura and Afizi went rock climbing at Putrajaya and I must say this: I will never, ever, go rock climbing ever again. 4 attempts and I only made it 3/4 to the top, at best. My arms and fingers were aching so bad, I felt like crying up there. And all the time when I watched other climbers go up, I felt it was such an easy feat. Boy, was I wrong.

My resolution: work out, get fit, lose weight, build arm and leg muscles, and come back to reach the top.

My whole body ached like mad but still, being the stubborn adventurous girl I am, the next day we went to Broga Hills to watch the sunrise. I thought it would be just a walk up a hill. When I heard the word "hill", the picture in my mind was of a tiny mound of dirt slightly higher up than ground level. Again, I am always wrong.

I wore leggings and flops, for crying out loud. And there I was, trekking in the dark at about 5.45 a.m., climbing steps that were each steeper than the one before, hopping over pits and pulling on ropes. Broga Hills is high. And I mean, really high. Well, for my standards anyway. I'm the type of girl who eats way too much cheese and white chocolates, so I guess nobody's surprised I nearly fainted.

But I made it to the top. And it was worth it. Camwhoring was fun!



The view's spectacular, eh?


And now here I am, back in college. My arm and neck hurts like hell and I'm wondering how much suffering am I going to go through tomorrow on my first day of management clinical posting. All I can think of is I can't wait to sleep like a log tonight.

I met Asrul on Friday night. He wanted me to look him in the eyes and say that we don't have a chance of getting back together. I hesitated at first. Because I really don't know the answer to that. But then, I thought, I shouldn't be so selfish. I should let him let me go. Because my heart isn't sure of anything and I can't possibly ask him to wait.

It took a lot of my guts but I did it. I looked him in the eyes and said no. We both cried, but that was only expected. In a way, I'm thankful that we did, that we both feel so bad about the break up. At the very least, it showed how much we love each other, how much we care.

When he left, I called him and almost asked him to come back. I almost wanted to give it another try. But when it really came down to it, my heart hesitated. It shouldn't be that way, I know it shouldn't. So maybe it just wasn't meant to be. So I told him to take care and hung up.

There are just so many things I want to say to him but I really shouldn't. He's started to recover and he sent me a message on my Facebook saying that he's accepted what happened and will try to move on. So that's that.

An era is defined as a significant period of time. The 2 years and 5 months I spent with him were one of the most meaningful time of my life. It was an era. And now it is the end.

I miss him, in so many ways. When I'm in someplace new, be it rock climbing, Murni, or Broga Hills, I can't help but imagine what it'd be like to go to those places with him. But of course, that will never happen.

He even gave me his Facebook password, in case I miss him too much. He is just that kind. No, I do not understand his rationale for deleting me from his friends list but then giving me access to his account, but I'll accept anything he wants, as long as he thinks it will help him move on. I don't ever want to see him sad ever again.

He thinks I have found someone else. Someone who can be my companion, like he was mine. But he doesn't understand. That Guy isn't like what he thinks at all. It's too soon to tell where things are going and I'm not keeping my hopes up. I'm just going with the flow and taking anything that life gives me.

When I was with Asrul, I just couldn't wait to see Wolfman and Alice in Wonderland with him. None of my girlfriends want to see Wolfman and Alice is showing in 2 weeks time.

I don't think anyone's gonna want to take me out.

I ear-marked this in my book, The Light; Esmaa 'Ul Husnaa 99 Names Of Allah:

"As-Ra'uuf. The Affectionate. The power of love makes it possible for animals to love their young ones. Humans are also part of the fortunate beings who can express love. However this aspect of our life reveals only one of the 100 characteristics of love which Allah Ta'ala possesses. The balance of the 99 characteristics belongs to Allah Ta'ala only. Now imagine how great is Allah (Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala's) love for His creatures when compared to our love! It is simply breathtaking."

As long as I have known Asrul, I have felt love in so many ways that it's indescribable, how he makes me feel. I know things will never work out between us. I know that the sparks are gone, the chemistry's not right. But I still love him so much, in many ways.

It's incredible, isn't it, when I feel so strongly that I can't describe it, but it is nothing as to how much Allah loves His creatures, including me?

Alhamdulillah.

Whenever I'm faced with love troubles, I hold that quote close to my heart and it gives me great relief.

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