Today, at Quran reading class, my beloved teacher (also my neighbor) discussed with me the nature of Allah SWT. We had just finished surah al-Baqarah and she was telling me that the longest surah in the Quran is the said surah and the longest ayat in the Quran is ayat 282 in surah al-Baqarah. She started telling me about how the Quran was arranged and it's special properties (containing 114 surah and 114 bismillahhirrahmanirrahim but one surah doesn't begin so and that's because it was revealed to our Prophet SAW during the time of war, but in surah an-Naml, there are 2 bismillahhirrahmanirrahim so that makes 114 all the same).
She told me of how the Quran was revealed to our Prophet. That it came from a place high up in the heavens (I forgot the name) and that it came down in the month of Ramadhan but was revealed to the Prophet in stages over 23 years. She also said that that place high up in the heavens is where our destinies and fates are kept, our rezeki and our life journey. (Please, if someone knows what's the name of this place, do tell me)
I asked her, "high up in the heavens? Is that where Allah is?". And she closed her eyes and recited a verse which went something like, "Allah tidak ada daripada tiada, dan juga tidak..." Sorry but I was so awed at what she said and by her expression that I didn't have time to commit what she said to memory. But all in all, what she meant was that Allah doesn't stay in one place. He is everywhere and He isn't a person, He is the essence. I was so amazed and at that moment, a love for Allah SWT blossomed in me so intensely that I began to reflect on my life and how things have turned out for me.
There are many things I don't know about Allah SWT or Islam or even the Prophet. I don't blame my parents because what they lacked in the religious department, they made up in education. I know religious education is important too but you can't have the best of both worlds, can you? And I am so thankful to Allah SWT for giving me the opportunity to learn about Him, about Islam, about the prophets, even if I am already in my twenties. Better late than never.
I have always thought of repenting, solat taubat, covering up, and to avoid sinning, especially when it comes to my relationship with men. But I've always been so scared because I don't know if I can really do it. I don't want to have this really big inspiration one day and go all out, trying to renew myself, only to falter and fade in the months to come. I've seen that happen to so many people. People who cover up and claim to repent but are now tudung-free and back to their old ways. I'm not judging them, I just don't want to be like them. God only gives you 3 chances to repent before your heart closes forever. I do not want to use up my 3 chances, God knows I have so many sins to repent for.
Me and Asrul had this talk a while back and we decided that after we marry (insyaAllah), we will repent together and perform solat taubat and try our best to be the best Muslim we can. Yes, I know we can't wait till we're old to repent. Life doesn't work that way because life may end at any time. I pray all the time for us to be given the chance to repent and make up for our sins together and for Allah SWT to never leave me, even though I know He never will.
You may leave Islam but Islam will never leave you.
Most non-believers (especially those in the West) think Islam is a religion of oppression and violence. Whenever I think of this, I am reminded of an ayat in surah al-Baqarah which means, they are deaf, dumb, and blind, they will not return (to the path). It is also said that only Allah SWT may choose who shall He guide and who He shall not and I am forever thankful that Allah has guided my mother before me and has never left me, however far I might have strayed.
Some may question the existence of God, let alone believe in the Islamic concept of monotheism. I have met people who don't believe in god and while they were bombarding me with all sorts of questions to disprove me of belief in god by giving evidence of injustice, all I could think of was, "if you, a human, can see that it is unfair, what more in the eyes of God?".
And we have to be humbled and accept the fact that not everything requires an answer. Not being able to answer is not a sign of weakness or doubt. It simply means that Allah SWT knows what we know not and He has His reasons for revealing what He has revealed and what He has not.
Have faith in Allah SWT and He will have faith in you.
Except those who repent and make amends and openly declare (the truth) to them I turn; for I am Oft-Returning Most merciful - Al Baqarah 2 : 160
6 comments:
destinies and fates are kept, our rezeki and our life journey. That is what we called Luh Mahfuz wawa... Wow!I am so envious with you wa...you have a great quran teacher... who is she?please send my regard to her and say May Allah Bless her...even she does not know me...=)
That is Luh mahfuz Wa...The place where our rezk, death, and our soul mate has been determined since we are not reach on this world...Wa ur quran teacher must be a great teacher and a good neighbor...
haaa..tu dia, Luh Mahfuz..asal Quran turun dari situ pada bulan Ramadan kn? aku xtaw nk ejanye sbnrnye..hehe..n when i said pls tell me, i was thinking of u arif :)
my teacher is my neighbor, she's a very good teacher bcoz smbil bace tu, die bgtaw maksud skali n siap bagi aku tafsir lagi and she's happy to entertain my questions, even if i drag her time on..hehe..and she's also very humble, tak suruh panggil ustazah pun..panggil tok mi je and she always says what she knows is just very little compared to others..suka la aku belajar ngan dia..may Allah bless her..insyaAllah nnt aku smpaikan salam..
yes she is a very good teacher and a very good neighbor..thanks for ur info.. :)
this is a very good one. i hope we will together repent and maintain and hold to our believes. i hope that 1 day we will see each other and hang out and talks nothing else than Islam. waiting for that day to come. :)
insyaallah, it will come :)
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