So what's been keeping me up all night? Am I studying so hard? That's a laugh. I've only studied what, twice the whole week? I did manage to cover most topic areas but I know I'm not doing enough.
Okay, I'm only going to see Asrul tomorrow night for dinner so I promise I will spend the daylight hours studying. Well it really depends on what time I wake up since it's already past 3 a.m. and I'm wide awake. And I usually need a minimum of 9 hours rest to wake up feeling completely energized.
What's kept me tossing and turning at night? This is gonna sound silly and I'm a bit scared to admit it because I know Asrul will take my guilty pleasure away if he finds out. But if it's bad for me then it's a good thing there's someone to stop me, right?
So here goes.
A few days back, I watched on Oprah about this girl who grew up with a deep, dark secret: Her father is a serial killer. Nicknamed the Happy Face Killer by the media because he wrote chilling letters about his murders and signed it with a smiley face.
The part that I couldn't forget was that this murderer would terrorize his kid by burning stray cats in an oil barrel and once, he even hung up little kittens on a clothesline by their tails. Creepy, huh? That last one kept me awake a few nights.
So I decided to Google this Happy Face Killer.
In the end, not only did I find out more gross details about this particular killer but I ended up reading a whole lot of other serial murderers. Mind you, it's not a one page story about killing people. These murderers managed to elude police for years so it was a good 10 to 19 page read and I spent hours going through the details, even having my meals while reading it like a book.
The one that I really can't forget is the demonic Westley Allan Dodd. This pedophile is so gross, he makes me question if he really is human. His sexual fantasies about children were so violent, he even wanted to eat their genitals. I told you it's ultimately gross.
So why do I keep reading this stuff? Good question. Honestly, I really don't know. Some things are so horrible, it captivates you. It's the same reason why I love horror movies, even though I know it's guaranteed to give me at least a week's worth of sleepless nights.
The longest I've read was about the Green River Killer but it was a disappointing read. The police didn't catch the murderer until almost 20 years and 48 bodies later and what was the sentencing like? Life in prison with no possibility of parole. He escaped the death sentence because he made a deal that if he confessed, he wouldn't get the death penalty. I'm like, what the eff? After what he did and the cops can't even manage to lie to him? If I was the investigating officer, I would pull the deal back just as soon as his confession's recorded. Okay, I think that might be illegal but I really think this scum shouldn't be kept alive, especially at the cost of taxpayers. If I were the victim's family member, I'd stop paying taxes just so I wouldn't feed the psychopath.
After reading all the gruesome and gory details, especially after seeing that most of the murdered victims were my age, I begin to get suspicious of loud noises, of shadows passing behind me, and I'm really getting paranoid about making sure the front door's locked. One of the murders happened on campus grounds so I'm not taking any chances.
Hence, my sleeping problems. And so close to exams too. My mum would kill me if she knew.
What I'm about to tell you is something I've never told anyone, not even Ezzura and I tell Ezzura everything. I guess that at the time it happened, I really thought nothing of it so I didn't mention it to anyone. It's all behind me now and I'm safe and sound so I guess there's no harm in mentioning it here.
When I was a kid, whenever my parents were mad at me (more like, when I was mad at them), I would sit out on the park bench in front of my house and watch the cars go by on the main road. The park was just out front my house but not directly in front, it was about 100m to the left so you really can't see me from the house.
So anyway, one night when I was really mad, I sneaked out after dinner and sat there on the park bench, watching the cars go by and fuming silently. I was 10 years old. Sitting out in the park that was just in front of my house where I've lived my whole life sounded perfectly safe to me.
Then there was this guy, I think he was a Sikh, mid-30s maybe.He was big and bearded, he drove a van. He parked by the park and came to sit next to me. He asked me if I was okay. I said I was really mad at my parents. It didn't even occur to me to ask who he was. He then asked where I lived. I turned around and pointed at my house. He nodded and asked if I wanted to go for a ride with him. He mentioned he had a rope in his car. I really didn't know what to say to that so I just kept quiet. He then got up and left and I went home soon after.
Now that I think about it, it would have been very likely if I had gone into that van with him, I would be on the front page of every newspaper. Raped, murdered, dumped in a ditch? Who knows. I don't know what made him leave but I'm thankful he did.
There was this other time when I was 14 and did something similar. Only this time I was picked up by a guy who said he was a cop and told me to get into his car. Stupid as I was, I did get in and was terrified because he didn't intend to send me home. He showed me some ID that he really was a cop and even drove to the Kajang police station to meet some friends of his. I really don't know what he was planning to do with me since I said I wanted to go home but he drove all the way out to Kajang. I was scared but decided on a stony-faced approach, not wanting to show him that I was scared.
He then told me to sit in the back and a friend of his sat in the front with him. He drove out towards KL and somewhere along the way, he stopped and said the car broke down. He lifted the hood of his car and asked his friend to help him out. Even at that age, I could tell he was faking it and was really discussing with his friend what they wanted to do with me. I wanted to get out and run but it was in the middle of the highway and a part of me said that he's a cop so he can't be dangerous. So I sat tight.
They both got into the car and next thing I knew, he dropped me off at the Bandar Tasik Selatan KTM station and gave me RM 50. I used the money to take a cab home.
I guess you're all breathing a sigh of relief now, eh? Yes, I may have been so stupid and naive but at that age, I really didn't know better. Thinking back now, I think it was real lucky of me that none of the men even touched me, though I could sense something sinister going on but was too damn scared to do anything.
I must have one heck of a guardian angel. Perhaps it's the same one that sits with me in exams and provides me the answers to questions I haven't studied at all.
By now you've all probably summed up that I had a pretty crappy time growing up and I always was (and still maybe am) a rebellious teen. I have a really short temper and when I'm angry, I usually just run somewhere to find solace. I still do that now but, being older, I've implemented some safety rules.
Always, always, lock the car doors. Never go to mat rempit spots alone (e.g., Bukit Ampang, Dataran Merdeka, that sort of place). If you ever get into an accident at night when you're alone, don't get out of the car. Note the license plate of the other vehicle and immediately drive to the nearest police station. And of course, the old age rule: Never talk to strangers.
Be safe, people! There are so many psychos out there.
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