Okay, I can't take it anymore. I want to blog.
Yesterday, Asrul made me mad. I wanted to blog out my feelings but I managed to stop myself since exams are so close now. Few days back, I also wanted to blog about some stuff but I still managed to hold myself back.
Today, I found a whole new life direction and I can't take it anymore.
So here I am, blogging despite the fact that my OSCE sucked moderately this morning.
As soon as I got back from OSCE, me and Asrul went to watch A Nightmare On Elm Street, which wasted RM 13 of my precious cash for a stupid horror movie with an inconclusive ending. Seriously people, if I were given 3 wishes, one of them is to go back in time and stop myself from watching that stupid movie.
Anyway, when we were done with the movie, I decided to check out the job vacancies in the shopping mall since signs of "Vacancies" were plastered at the door of almost every shop. 30 mins and about 5 disappointing restaurants and 2 effed up clothes shops later, I was thoroughly demotivated and dismayed.
Most franchises (Starbucks, Secret Recipe, etc) said to try at their other outlets, some said they wanted male workers, others said they wanted full-timers. But you know what pissed me off the most?
I really don't care for vacancy notices that add "Chinese female only" or "able to converse in Mandarin is an advantage". Though it does sting of racism, maybe it's because of their customer preferences.
But don't put up a vacancy sign advertising a pay of RM 7/hr, even emphasizing immediate vacancies available, and then when I walk in to enquire, look at me top to bottom and say "no, we're not hiring". Damn you, Sakae Sushi. Damn your racism, stereotype culture, and your rude manager with the pimply face and ugly hairdo that I can only describe as a messed up version of pre-teen Justin Bieber.
So long story short, sick of rejection and putting up a smiling face only to get shot down, I told Asrul to send me home. As I was climbing up the stairs in college, I was suddenly struck by a muse.
Why not volunteer work? I can offer my professional skills, do things I've always wanted to do and no one will ever say "no, we don't want you to work with us for free". Besides, I'm only looking to fill up my time for the month of June and I've been racking my brains on how to tell potential employers that I'm only available for a month. Sure, I can lie but I'm really bad at it, I'm 99% sure I'll get caught.
I Googled "volunteer work in Kuala Lumpur" and got a host of favorable results. My top choices?
I really want to work with children. I love kids, especially those who can't talk yet, sleep all the time, smile and laugh for the smallest of reasons, and love you just because you are there. What are those kids called again? Babies.
The short visit I once had a few years back at an orphanage near UKMMC was one of the main reasons I imagine myself volunteering at an orphanage. Bathing babies, putting them to sleep, feeding and cuddling them, who can ask for a better job? And this one time, when we were posted in the pediatrics ward, I got really close to this 9-month-old orphan named Alif. He is the main reason I want to work with orphans. I miss him.
I have a few orphanages in mind but I haven't really thought it out yet because a) I don't want to work in missionary orphanages (you know, the kind where it's religiously grounded because I think it's morally risky, most NGO orphanages tend to be Christian based) and b) I need to choose a place close to me or at least one that I love enough to travel far and wide to.
Second volunteer work on my list is in animal shelters. Main reason being that I love cats and I've always wanted to be a vet so here's my chance to branch out of nursing for a while. Paws looked favorable but it's all the way in Subang, I might as well go to the SPCA in Ampang which is way nearer but I also have several things to think through about this.
Firstly, I do not want to work in animal shelters that kill unwanted animals. First thing I need to know before committing myself to becoming a volunteer is if the facility has a no kill policy. I do not want to get real close to a kitten only to come in one morning and find out that it's been "put to sleep". And secondly, I'm a little bit allergic to cats. Okay. I'm actually really allergic to cats.
The day I found out about my cat allergy was a sad, sad day for me. I suddenly developed this allergy sometime during my college years and though it's well-known that allergies take time to develop, I can't believe that after almost 20 years, I am now allergic to cats.
I am, however, clinging to the hope that allergies come and go. Pray for me, people.
Next on the list is volunteering for Hospis Malaysia. This is where I can really use my nursing skills, caring for the dying, but again there are pros and cons. Firstly, as I said before, this is my last chance to work out of my nursing area for a while. Secondly, I think dying is depressing. However rewarding it must be to care for someone at the end of their life when they are unable to care for themselves, I think I will be really bummed out if one of my patients died. It's different from a patient of yours in the ward who died because you are caring for at least another 5 so you don't get attached too much. Even then, I feel a sense of sadness. I once had to run to the toilet and take a few deep breaths to pull myself together when a patient's relative broke down in front of me when she died.
Imagine caring for the same person everyday and then holding her hand as she dies or getting up one morning thinking of all the things you want to do for the person and then finding out that she's gone? There will be time for tears for me if I delve into palliative care.
My final choice is teaching English for under-privileged children. Okay, my English isn't that good (my mum constantly teases that she wonders how I got Band 6 when I always mix up "lending" and "borrowing" and say "take over" instead of "overtake") but really, when the institute wants a volunteer to teach and not an actually qualified professional, they can't be expecting much, can they? Besides, the teaching positions I've found are for children aged 5 - 13 and another job was at Montfort Boys Town.
Montfort Boys Town is directly behind Asrul's Politeknik Shah Alam. I pass it almost every week going to his futsal games and I've always wondered what the place was for. Now I know but again, I'm worried that it's a missionary. Not that it's wrong to help people of other religions. I strongly believe that humans were all made into different cultures and religions to help each other but... well, let's just say that my religious background isn't all that grounded and so, I'm doubtful about many things when it comes to this sort of stuff.
You know what's the best part about volunteering? That they don't need you everyday and it's your call whether or not you want to show up. So really, I don't have to choose just one. I could do orphanage work one day, animal shelter stuff the next, teach English once a week or so. I might do some research on autistic institutions or spastic centers, so there's more to choose from.
I've never thought of volunteer work and really, I am absolutely not the kind of person who wants to spread love and joy, and all that positive crap but I don't know how, I don't know why, when I came back from that little job hunt today, something somewhere told me that I could spend a month doing something I love and make a difference too. I'll be working soon anyway (I'm sending my resume to Prince Court Medical Center while awaiting the ministry interview) so there really is no need for big bucks right now.
So my calendar is all filled up! When all you can give is your time, why not help the needy?
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